Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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