I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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