Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
