I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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