So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
