i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am one with the molecules
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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