i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
