You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you told grandpa to call you daddy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
