i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
