Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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