I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
