Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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