Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
