someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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