im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
