I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
