I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
