What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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