What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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