What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
