get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
