Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
