He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
