I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Couch. On fire.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
