if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
