Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize