I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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