Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
