his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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