one might say we're banned from that church
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
