New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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