I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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