he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
