I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
