Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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