Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
