They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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