i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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