doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
