When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
