Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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