I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"it" just moved
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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