Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
