he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
