No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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