i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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