It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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