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Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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