Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.