Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter