Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
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maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?