thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...