I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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