I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
