I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
