I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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