who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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