i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
