is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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