I accidentally burped into my bong.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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