it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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