i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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